I am truly ready!

So yesterday I was driving home from picking up my daughter at daycare. I was listening to a praise and worship CD and the song “I Can Only Imagine” (Amy Grant’s version) comes on. I have listened to this song hundreds of times and always sing along without any trouble. Well, for some reason, yesterday the song struck me hard, emotionally, and I started to cry. The reason I like this song so much is because it is about Heaven and that we really don’t know what it will be like but we can imagine the greatness that we will encounter there. I have always been fascinated by Heaven and curious just how it will look/be like, but also knowing that we really won’t know until we get there. I have always felt that when Jesus returns, I will be excited and anxious to get to Heaven. However, I have for many years secretly prayed He doesn’t return quite yet.

I know that Jesus’ return is not at all in my hands and that I can have no control over the situation at all. I also know that whenever He does come, it will be the perfect time and that I will be so grateful to be joining him in Heaven. But, because I am human, I still have wanted to be a part of a few “human” experiences. I don’t know if that was the right way to feel, but it was honest. God can see my heart and know that ultimately, He is my first love and eternity with him is my strongest desire.

For many years, I kept thinking that I really want to get married and have a chance to enjoy that experience, which really has been awesome. After getting married, I have thought about the fact that I really wanted to be a mother and have a chance to experience that relationship. After a year of marriage, John and I tried to have a baby for 3 years, both on our own and with medical help. It quickly appeared that, for some reason, this process was not going to be easy or quick for us. For about a year after that we worked on the adoption process (meetings, paperwork, etc.). After only 3 months on the “waiting list” we were chosen to be Leah’s parents. She has been with us now for 5 awesome months. She is absolutely amazing!!

So, I think that when that song came on yesterday I realized that I am truly and honestly ready for Jesus’ return. I have a wonderful husband with whom I have had a great marriage. And, now I have a beautiful baby girl who I am absolutely crazy about. Being a mother is so awesome that I can hardly describe it. It is all I have ever imagined it would be plus about a million times better. I thank God every day for allowing me to have this experience and for bringing Leah into our family. There are many, many things that will happen in her life that I would love to see. But, if Jesus comes tomorrow, I honestly don’t think missing any of those things will matter to me at all. I have had the chance to love her and be loved by her. I have had the chance to partner with my husband to raise a beautiful, sweet, perfect baby. Now I can finally be completely honest with myself, my friends and most importantly with God. So, with that I say, “COME JESUS. COME.”